Tonight….

…is one of those nights. I want to cut off all my hair. And dye it crazy colors. I wanna start a band. I want to pierce my nose and get a full sleeve. I want to throw my computer out the window and smash my guitar. I want to rip up all my clothes and put on my dirtiest sneakers and fall asleep on the floor. I want to sleep for three days even though I’m not tired at all.

Instead I’ll sit in the dark and write about all the things I want until I dream so hard that I fall asleep.

Goodnight realists.

i’m writing a book, yes, a book. goodnight.

3rd grade troubles….

so in the 3rd grade i got in trouble for eating a chicken mcnugget that this girl gave me… long story… but basically i ended up being sent to the principal’s office with three other girls and got a stern talking to. in the third grade, this was a REALLY big deal. my mom was away on business and my dad went completely unaware of the situation. to this day i have not told my mom… not that it would matter now if i did… but i remember at the time, i couldn’t stop thinking about it. i felt so guilty for not telling her. i was so embarrassed that i’d gotten in trouble. i was a wreck. i thought about it every moment of every day. as time went on i started to note that ten minutes would pass in which i wasn’t thinking about it. then the next week it would be a whole day without thinking about it. and so on and so on. of course now, a million years later, it rarely ever crosses my mind.

i’m sharing all of this because there has been something on my mind non-stop for over a year. it has been the bane of my existence. it’s the only thing i write music about. the only thing i discuss with friends and family. it’s made me crazy and often sad. i never thought there would be a day in which i went five minutes without thinking about it… let alone the majority of a day. well, just now, i realized that i only thought about this particular thing once or twice all day.

i realize that this is an overcomplicated, long-winded story with very little purpose… but i wanted to share it because sometimes there are things that we think will never pass. there are sadnesses and darknesses that we fear will never go away. but they do. they take time. maybe lots and lots and lots of time. but they pass. and once again we are reminded that everything is going to be O.K.

goodnight lovers. goodnight dreamers.